how i spend my summer vacations w/ the philadelphia philllies ....part2

the definition of myth that i like best is:

A real or fictional story, recurring theme, or character type that appeals to the consciousness of people by embodying its cultural ideals or by giving expression to deep commonly felt emotions

There are currently two myths that plague all of Philadelphia. And June 2006, I came face-to-face with both of them while dealing with an unruly drunken lout of a fan. His contention was that Philadelphia fans somehow are more passionate about our teams than anyone else; so therefore are given free reign to heap as much scorn and bile upon any other opposing fans. And furthermore, Philadelphia fans, because of this passion and suffering, are entitled to a World championship. So i should of just let this dude go about screaming curses, challenging violence, and spitting on these well-behaved, timid Mets fans.
And for about five seconds, i thought about it. The argument that "This is Philly" brings to mind an idea, almost a code of how a Philadelphia sports fan should act. But this is Philadelphia, wherein they signed the Declaration of Independance. So some dude was gonna sit there, in the birthplace of American freedom, and explain to me that it was cool that he was denying people the right to root for their team!?!!?! No F@*(king way!
Sure, I hate the Mets! I loathe the Jose! Jose! Jose! and "Let's go Mets! chants! I dislike that sooooo many of their fans flock to CBP and are embiggened by the fact that they see so many like-minded buttholes. I can't stand orange; I think Jose Reyes is a twerp (one who farts in bathtubs, then bites the bubbles), the only time I enjoy seeing David Wright is when he morphs into the SNL character, Rory Calhoun, explaining away how the Mets have choked another one. AGAIN!!!!! Of the entire borough of Queens, I would only show respect towards the Ramones and Spider-Man. So pretty much the only time I wanna see a Mets fan is on TV @ Shea crying about how their awful team just let them down AGAIN!!!!!!, when they held such high hopes that the Mighty Mets would destroy the lowly Phillies. If only..... their bullpen wasn't atrocious, or there was no such team as the Florida Marlins, or their team wasn't a mass of choke artists, or any other observation that distracts them from the fact that the Mets just aren't that great.
That being said, I have friends that are Mets fans; and we get along great. I razz 'em good: their bullpen is atrocious, their team is a mass of choke artists, or any other observation that lets them know that the Mets just aren't that great. But there are never fights; not even terse words. People like who they are gonna like and that should have little or no bearing on whomever i like.
So next time you are @ the ballpark, watch the field and not the stands. And if you come across a Mets fan; razz 'em. Call 'em whack or ill-fashioned, recant the events of the two previous baseball seasons, lament "2 time NL east Champs!" But if you can't do it with a little bit of charm, sarcasm, or wit, and you need intimidation or threATS of violence to bolster your argument where baseball stats would do just fine......
then maybe you aren't mature enough to come to a ballgame without parental supervision.

how i spend my summer vacations with the philadelphia phillies part1

Not everybody knows; but I am the host @ Citizens Bank Park. Sure, there are many, many others that have the same job as me; but like Jesus': i am "the King of Hosts", or "the Host of Hosts", or "the greatest f##king Host that ever lived."(whichever is the most blasphemous!)
I started this job in June 2006, just when the Phillies really started to get good. In my second full season, the Phillies are in the playoffs for the second time. And if I work until 2057, I'll have made about %10 of what the Phillies paid Wes Helms last year. I got 6 grand, he got 2.3 million dollars. He was the back-up 3B who was supposed to replace David Bell, who was paid 4.7 million dollars, but he sucked. You know what? Bell sucked too. If there's a sucker born every minute than most of them have sucked for the Phillies. Or better yet sucked @ picking players who also sucked for the Phillies. But of all the suckers who have sucked for the Phillies, their numbers pale in comparison to the greatest collection of suckers all-time: the fans.
So here it is, mid-June 2006, and my first game is against the NY Mets (my least favorite squadron). Even worse than the Mets is their fans; a slobbenly, ugly, whiny, super-fat, entitled and ignorant group of trash from Jersey who often clash with our fans (who, oddly enough are a slobbenly, ugly whiny, super-fat, entitled and ignorant group of trash from Jersey.) The Phillies are winning and our fans are free to razz their fans. At this point in the season, the Phils trailed the Mets by only a few games and were starting to not suck. That is until disaster strikes:
On the field, Bell boots an easy play and the Mets score runs, take the lead, and go on to just one hit away from the World Series.
And in the stands, I get my first complaint. A well-mannered and mature Phillies fan (yes, we actually exist.) informed me that the back-and-forth between a group of timid Mets fans and one drunk and unruly Phillies fans was escalating and could possibly lead to fisticuffs (in my section: 303/304) So I step in and immediately tell everybody to cool out. Unfortunately this drunk and unruly phils fan just won't shutup. He's going on-and-on with these tired olde cliches about "this is philly" and "we threw snowballs @ Santa" and how starved Philadelphia is for a championship. ...to be continued.

the best goddamn blog in the world.

 a little bit bout the main man:

     i play drums in Tit Patrol. what's Tit Patrol? well, it's a band. the best band alive. that is to say that i'll readily admit that there were better bands: the Ramones, Screeching Weasel, MTX, the Halflings, Green Day, Buglite, the Bouncing Souls, the Crash, Operation Ivy, and the best band ever, Plow United. so all those bands were better than us; but they're dead. 

 Of all the above bands, only the Ramones have actually deceased members, the rest just went the way of all bands: they got bored, they couldn't hack it, etc,  they broke up, they're gone. 

  Check Danthology for the Where are they now? (the bouncing souls still play shows and put out records; but come on...) I hate music, and i used to love it. but on a long enough timeline everything hits the toilet, everybody ends up shooting pool with a length of rope.

So here I am, music is dead; but i'm full of care, so i gots to care about something, right?  how about those phightin' phils? they may not be great but all the other teams in baseball aren't even good: mets suck, yankees suck, reds suck, fuck the blue jays, the tigers, the A's, the rangers, the braves, especially fuck the marlins, giants, the dodgers, D-backs, and the cubs suck. I hate the red sox, white sox, the nationals, etc.

See the thing about baseball is that you get about 10-12 ballplayers and you try and win the whole thing. take the Brooklyn Dodgers for instance, the Boys of Summer : Edwin "Duke" Snider, Gil Hodges, Pee Wee Reese, Roy Campanella, Clem Labine, and the best second basemen ever: Jackie Robinson. These dudes got together and played every year for over a decade and lost to the yanks in the World Series 7 times. And in '51 the hated Giants stole signs, erased a giant lead , and the Giants win the pennant! the Giants win the pennant. The Dodgers had to watch these other "asshole" NY teams hoist world series' trophies over and over again until the '55 World Series. They finally won one and the Brooklyn Gazette (or maybe the Eagle) got to run the headline: This is next year!  Then less than three years later, the team moved to LA, the gazette folded, and all of Brooklyn went to shit. 

nothing floats forever.... -alison ranger.

The Phillies aren't going to leave town anytime soon. They have a phightin' chance at winnin' 

the World Series this year. But that's about it. And if somebody doesn't take over this stuff and run it the right way than it could be 1995-2002 all over again. or 1951-64, or 65-76, or 1883-1950.  Enter the Main man!

phillies never say phils are dead!

 

Celebrity Endorsement

Introducing the hardest workin' man in punk rock, Todd calls him stupid, I just call him the Main Man... ladles and jelly spoons, Timmy Toner!!!!  Put yer hands together...